where are we ?
still in the past , that left us .
in the present , which is fleeting by.
or the future that we want to attain.
where exactly is our brain and heart ?
and are they even in the same place.
because why do I keep on thinking about my past & the glorious future I want
when the present is right in front of me.
You know why am I studying so hard ?
So that one day I can buy myself a Tiffany!
I have this feeling we always know what we want to do. Its just we are scared to except it.! I am not talking about the end of the road , but we always know where we want to begin! That we are just a coward in choosing and going forward with it.!
But slowly I have realised that its not only about accepting what you want , but even working for it. Which applies to me. The day I knew the road I wanted to choose I was the happiest person on earth ! ( I still remember my big smile) Its not just about choosing , its also about pushing yourself to keep on walking upon it.
I have this inner demon which loves sleeping! A demon which has confused me so much, time and again. I know what I want to do, I have known it from 5 th grade.But I don’t know maybe I am just so confused , I want it then why am I not working for it. Something is seriously wrong with me.
I really need to snub out this inner bitch!because I want to be a free bird . Free physically , socially and mentally & fianacially! I don’t want to be snubbed under the Indian patriarchal society! I want to be just ME. Whoever that is!
I really hope that I can do it! Make myself proud.
Next week is my birthday and I will turn 19 (the last of my teens). I have never had a boyfriend , never been asked out by someone ,or I have never asked out someone . Its not that I lack guts (if you give me a dare to propose someone I wont be backing out). Its just I have at times felt no one was worthy of my time, or at times ended up liking someone who already had a girlfriend (people should walk with a sign that specifies that they are in a relationship , would save many mini heart breaks) , or ended up liking my best friend and realising the crush after I moved from town.!
I have come up with new theory after watching many romcom movies and reading YA lit novels that the first time when u touch that person ( let it be a handshake) it should feel something different ( even the pit of your stomach should comes alive with feelings). Making me believe that maybe I never truly liked anyone.!
Maybe there is one guy. He was my first guy best friend . The sweetest person I have ever met. He taught me so many things unknowingly. I still remember a small fiasco happened and he looked at me and said whatever happens I support you. We were the longest paired sitting partners in our class. But all this happened in 6 th grade and then I moved away. Yes we are still friends ( I still believe he’s my best friend ). He hasn’t changed at all. One chat and I always end up liking him again. Its just people change and though I think he’s still the same but maybe not ( what do I know what’s going on in his heart)
Though I have to say the best part about being single is that I can stare at any guy I want and feel no remorse about it. It has helped me understand who I am and what I really want out of life. That I love myself the most and no one can ever change that.
( though it would still be fun having a boyfriend , because sitting on the other side it feels like a adventure, and as my sir always says you are not the first person going on the planet through this , so no worries ; live a little )
So I was travelling to Singapore this summer for a trip with my sister, my parents already there in Singapore (as they were on their own different trip and going to meet us there ). When we were getting on our seats I saw a really cute guy sitting ahead of us , and I did voice my thoughts loudly(I kind of thought he was younger than me , but no he was a year older ) . So when I was sitting, he turned twice behind and the third time he finally did say hey (cute guy s finally talking to me). He just felt that we might be of his age and there was an edm night happening in Singapore and he wanted to know whether we will be going there or not! He was a really smart guy (perfect combination of cute and nerdy). I ended up having the same drink he had (he advised me too – ginger ale). Must have noticed I was staring.
The thing is he told his name twice and I don’t remember it , the second time when I asked him to say I was looking at his face , totally dazed out with it ( so stupid of me ) . And I have to say that it was a tough one, maybe started with h or r and the air pressure didn’t help. I do have an idea where he went to school and where he’s going to college (have totally tried Facebook, but damn it’s an end road).
When he got up during the flight to adjust his luggage I kept on staring at him, but the thing is when he saw me looking at him , he made all these funny , cute , and adorable faces , damn . He had a really good handshake, you know the perfect grip.
The thing his he just knows my universities name and my year, no idea about my course and other details (and I have quite an idea about his). I dint ask for his number nor gave mine. I believe that a twisted part of me felt that if anything is supposed to happen, we would meet again.
When I said by to him at the carousel , I didn’t look back , I don’t know why but I didn’t . but when we were standing outside with my parents ad I saw him standing far away navigating his way , it’s just movies are true , even if for short time , they show true stories , things which happen or can happen somewhere in the world .