Running away !

So I have as a kid always moved from one city to another . Changing 8 schools in that process . Whenever something went wrong anywhere with friends or teachers , I had this mantra ” hey there , you won’t see them after 6 months , so what’s the big deal . Don’t feel bad , you are never going to see them again ” and that has always continued .

So today in college , if at times I have this feeling that I am drawing away from my best friends (it has started suddenly ) I use this same mantra .

But a part of me is tired using it . It scares me that I am so used to running away from feelings . Though I am a person who doesn’t run from challenges, instead I takesthem with all my heart ..

Its just really confusing . Its as if I give myself these timelines , coaxing myself into believing that its a small patch and then I will be away somewhere else .

I believe sometimes that I don’t consider any city to be home, as if I don’t feel that I belong there . That whenever I am anywhere I am thinking about the next place . 

But I want to live in the present not in the unknown future .!

My heart going thum-thum!

So I have this dream . I have had it from when I was 10 . And at last I have just got a year to catch it with all my heart and make it mine.

But there are these pebbles on the way which are supposed to be complementary to my life and not its main headline!

I hate feeling stressed. I hate it when my hearts going at such a speed that it could beat Usain Bolt . That I have to eventually watch a Rom-com to get it back to normal.

A year back I was frustrated because I had nothing to do .!

Now I am frustrated because I have too much to do.!

I believe we humans are one funny beings.

I just want to baby myself in believing that its all right . That it will be all right !

I want to open my arms wide , and just let go ❤️